Narcissist Hoovering: What It Is and How to Shut It Down
- Michael Capleone, Sr.
- 5 days ago
- 1 min read
Just when you think it's over, your narcissistic ex sends a sweet message… asks to talk… or suddenly acts like they’ve changed.
Sound familiar?
That’s not a coincidence. It’s a manipulation tactic called hoovering—an attempt to suck you back into the toxic dynamic right when you're breaking free.
Hoovering is one of the most emotionally disorienting behaviors narcissists use, especially during or after a divorce or custody dispute. It often looks like an apology, a gift, or a sudden willingness to compromise. But it’s not about reconciliation. It’s about control.
As a family law attorney, I’ve seen this play out hundreds of times. A narcissist acts cooperative, gains trust, then blindsides their ex in court. Or they fake an emotional emergency to reopen the line of communication.
Don’t fall for it. Recognize the pattern, document everything, and enforce strict boundaries. Use parenting apps, court orders, and neutral communication. And if they escalate? Legal tools exist to protect your peace.
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Legal Disclaimer: This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. For advice tailored to your situation, consult a licensed attorney.
