When the Kids Say They Don’t Want to Come Over – Parental Alienation or Just Emotions?
- Michael Capleone, Sr.
- 20 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Navigating Relationships with a Narcissist: Break-Ups, Parental Alienation, Hoovering, and Interactions with DHR/CPS and Guardian ad Litem
Ending a relationship with a narcissist often triggers complex and painful dynamics that extend well beyond the breakup itself. Narcissists thrive on control and manipulation, and when a breakup threatens their sense of power, they may escalate tactics like parental alienation and Hoovering to maintain influence.
Parental Alienation occurs when a narcissist deliberately undermines your relationship with your children—lying, spreading false narratives, or coaching children to reject you. This can be deeply damaging emotionally and legally, but documenting such behavior is essential. Keep detailed records of interactions, communications, and any concerning incidents.
Hoovering is a tactic where the narcissist attempts to “suck” you back into the relationship by feigning remorse, promising change, or creating crises to regain control. Recognizing Hoovering is crucial to protect your emotional boundaries—resist the urge to engage, and rely on your support system. When a narcissist begins smearing your reputation—especially in cases involving DHR (Department of Human Resources), CPS (Child Protective Services), or a Guardian ad Litem—this can seriously impact custody and visitation outcomes. Narcissists often exploit these agencies by making false allegations to appear as the “concerned” parent.
To protect yourself:
Cooperate fully and calmly with investigators and the Guardian ad Litem.
Provide clear, documented evidence of your parenting and behavior.
Avoid reacting emotionally to accusations; maintain professionalism.
Engage an experienced family law attorney to guide you through these proceedings.
Remember, the goal is to demonstrate your stability, commitment, and the best interest of your children. While narcissists manipulate perceptions, the truth backed by evidence and calm responses will ultimately carry the most weight in legal and protective settings. A parent’s heart breaks when a child says, "I don't want to come over." It’s tempting to wonder: Did my ex poison them against me, or is this just a phase? This is one of the most emotionally charged issues in co-parenting with a narcissist. Let’s walk through how to understand it.
Children Have Emotions Children may say they don’t want to switch homes for reasons that are completely innocent:
They miss their toys
They feel guilt about leaving the other parent
They’re overwhelmed with schedule changes
It doesn’t always mean someone is manipulating them.
But Alienation Is Real Narcissistic parents often:
Undermine your authority
Create loyalty binds (“Don’t tell Dad about this”)
Lie or exaggerate to make you look unsafe
If your child:
Repeats adult phrases
Seems fearful of upsetting your ex
Doesn’t know why they’re angry with you
...those could be signs of parental alienation.
What You Can Do
Stay calm: Don’t react emotionally. Your steadiness is key.
Document: Keep a journal. Record dates, quotes, and behaviors.
Stay consistent: Always show up. Be the safe, reliable parent.
Avoid trash-talking: It only fuels the dynamic.
Seek professional help: Therapists, GALs, or even court intervention may be necessary.
You don’t have to fight dirty to win back your child’s trust. You just have to be present, honest, and consistent.
You're not alone—and you're not powerless. These simple, but informative and powerful guides that are strategic, legal, and provide sharp emotional tools that work. These guides are inexpensive, give you valuable knowledge, and peace of mind in addressing the issue you’re facing at a fraction of what it would cost to receive this same information from an in-person consultation with a professional.
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—Written by Michael L. Capleone, Esq. | Alabama Family Law Attorney | All rights reserved.
Visit the website to explore resources: https://attorneymlc2003.wixsite.com/website.
About Michael Capleone, Attorney at Law
Michael Capleone is a seasoned family law attorney based in Hoover, Alabama, with over 22+ years of experience helping clients navigate complex legal challenges, including divorce, child custody, parental rights, grandparent’s rights, military divorces, petition for protection from abuse, CPS and DHR matters, father’s rights, mother’s rights, relationship advice, pets/ animal custody when a relationship or marriage ends, and general family law matters, co-parenting, dealing with a narcissist, emotional recovery, and much more! As a licensed practicing attorney since 2003, is a dedicated advocate for his clients, Michael understands the emotional and legal complexities of family law cases and works tirelessly to secure favorable outcomes in his law practice.
Whether you’re dealing with high-conflict custody battles, seeking modifications to child support or visitation, or facing difficult divorce proceedings, having problems with a toxic ex, trying to co-parent with a narcissist. Michael Capleone provides expert legal tips and topic specific information with wisdom and clarity. He is committed to ensuring that his clients’ rights are protected, and their voices are heard in the courtroom. These blogs and guides that he is creating are meant to provide simple, straightforward, helpful, and powerful practical information for people all across the United States of America and beyond.
These guides are written in a brief and concise way to get you powerful and useful information that you can easily print off in a reasonable small number of pages. Each guide is a concentrated, no-fluff resource — around 4-5 pages packed with professional insight, legal strategy, and emotional survival tactics. They are designed to cover the real pain points people face in courtrooms and custody fights: defending yourself against false accusations, exposing manipulation without looking petty, protecting your financial future, and keeping your relationship with your children strong in the middle of conflict.
For less than the cost of a single attorney consultation, you get targeted strategies built from over 22+ years of real-world family law experience. These aren’t generic blog articles or cookie-cutter templates. Every guide is designed to give you immediate, actionable steps — the same strategies I teach my own clients — adapted for real people dealing with real, high-stakes problems.
If you're serious about defending your rights, protecting your children, and staying one step ahead of a manipulative ex, these guides aren't just helpful — they're essential. They will save you time, reduce your stress, and help you make smarter moves when everything is on the line.
Winning in court isn’t just about having evidence. It’s about understanding the psychology, the patterns, and the legal strategies that judges actually respond to. These guides put that power in your hands. If you’re ready to stop reacting and start taking control, you’re exactly where you need to be!
For more information on Michael Capleone’s legal services or to schedule a consultation. An experienced Hoover, Alabama family law attorney that guides clients through legal strategy, emotional challenges, relationship problems, legal matters and more to achieve the best positive outcomes. Note: Licensed in the State of Alabama only.
This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this post does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every case is unique—please consult with a qualified family law attorney licensed in your jurisdiction to discuss your specific situation. Also, this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, psychological, or professional advice. It does not create an attorney-client relationship or any other professional-client relationship. The information provided is not a substitute for consultation with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, tax professional, psychologist, or other expert regarding your specific situation.
