Combating Parental Alienation – When Your Kids Are Repeating Hurtful Things
- Michael Capleone, Sr.
- Jul 2
- 6 min read
Parental alienation is real, harmful, and one of the most emotionally devastating tactics in a high-conflict custody case. When your child starts saying things like “Mommy said you’re mean,” it’s a red flag that emotional distancing may be underway.
How to Communicate with Your Child When They've Been Manipulated by the Other Parent
When your child begins to argue with you, echoing the language, attitudes, or accusations of your ex, it’s easy to feel defensive, angry, or defeated. But in high-conflict custody cases—especially when co-parenting with a narcissist—this behavior is often the result of subtle (or overt) emotional manipulation. Your child may have been unintentionally weaponized, but they’re still a child, not your opponent.
Understand the Source Before You React
Children caught between hostile or manipulative parents may:
Mimic adult-like accusations or judgments
Argue using phrases they don’t fully understand
Push your buttons emotionally to test boundaries or loyalty
These behaviors usually reflect their environment—not their true feelings. What looks like disrespect is often confusion, fear, or emotional exhaustion.
How to Respond: Calm, Clear, and Compassionate
1. Stay Emotionally Grounded Your child doesn’t need you to “win” the argument. They need you to be a safe, emotionally regulated adult. When they repeat something inflammatory like:
“Mom said you only care about yourself!”
You can respond with:
“I’m sorry that’s how it was described. I care about you very much, and I’m always here to talk when you feel upset.”
2. Avoid Counterattacks Never bad-mouth your ex in return, even when the child is quoting them directly. Responding with “Well, your mother lies all the time” only validates the conflict and makes the child feel caught in the middle.
3. Validate Their Feelings, Redirect the Message If your child is angry, validate the emotion:
“I can tell you’re frustrated. It’s okay to feel that way.”
Then gently guide the conversation away from blame:
“Let’s talk about what you think and feel—not what anyone else says.”
4. Encourage Independent Thinking Ask questions like:
“What do you think about that?”
“Have you ever felt that way with me?”
“Is that something you’ve experienced, or something you’ve heard?”
This empowers the child to think critically and rebuild emotional trust.
5. Reaffirm Your Consistency Be predictably calm, respectful, and loving. The more consistent you are, the more your child will begin to see the difference between emotional manipulation and reality.
6. Get Professional Support if Needed If this pattern intensifies, consider counseling—especially with a therapist familiar with high-conflict custody and parental alienation. Courts will often order this if requested with proper documentation.
Your child may be confused, hurt, or angry—but they are still your child. Don’t let temporary manipulation destroy your long-term relationship. You can’t undo what your ex says—but you can control how you respond, and that is where your power lies.
What Is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation occurs when one parent subtly (or blatantly) turns the child against the other parent through:
Repeated negative comments
Exaggerated blame or victimhood
Withholding affection or approval if the child bonds with the other parent
Over time, the child internalizes the alienating parent’s view, becoming resistant, angry, or fearful toward you.
Signs of Alienation:
The child uses adult-like accusations or phrases
The child expresses guilt for enjoying time with you
Sudden refusal to visit, despite previously good rapport
The child seems rehearsed in complaints
Combating Alienation Proactively
Document Patterns: Keep notes, but don’t record your child. Focus on your ex’s behavior and the emotional impact.
Remain Consistent and Calm: Alienation thrives on your emotional reaction. Your calmness is your credibility.
Use Therapy Wisely: Ask the court to order reunification counseling or therapy. Use a therapist trained in high-conflict dynamics.
Ask for a GAL or Custody Evaluation: These professionals can detect manipulation and recommend solutions.
Talk, Don’t Retaliate
If your child repeats something hurtful:
“That sounds like something upsetting to hear. I love you and want to make sure you feel safe and happy when you’re with me.”
Alienation is often slow and insidious. But courts can and do intervene—especially when evidence shows long-term emotional damage.
You're not alone—and you're not powerless. These simple, but informative and powerful guides that are strategic, legal, and provide sharp emotional tools that work. These guides are inexpensive, give you valuable knowledge, and peace of mind in addressing the issue you’re facing at a fraction of what it would cost to receive this same information from an in-person consultation with a professional.
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—Written by Michael L. Capleone, Esq. | Alabama Family Law Attorney | All rights reserved.
Visit the website to explore resources: https://attorneymlc2003.wixsite.com/website.
About Michael Capleone, Attorney at Law
Michael Capleone is a seasoned family law attorney based in Hoover, Alabama, with over 22+ years of experience helping clients navigate complex legal challenges, including divorce, child custody, parental rights, grandparent’s rights, military divorces, petition for protection from abuse, CPS and DHR matters, father’s rights, mother’s rights, relationship advice, pets/ animal custody when a relationship or marriage ends, and general family law matters, co-parenting, dealing with a narcissist, emotional recovery, and much more! As a licensed practicing attorney since 2003, is a dedicated advocate for his clients, Michael understands the emotional and legal complexities of family law cases and works tirelessly to secure favorable outcomes in his law practice.
Whether you’re dealing with high-conflict custody battles, seeking modifications to child support or visitation, or facing difficult divorce proceedings, having problems with a toxic ex, trying to co-parent with a narcissist. Michael Capleone provides expert legal tips and topic specific information with wisdom and clarity. He is committed to ensuring that his clients’ rights are protected, and their voices are heard in the courtroom. These blogs and guides that he is creating are meant to provide simple, straightforward, helpful, and powerful practical information for people all across the United States of America and beyond.
These guides are written in a brief and concise way to get you powerful and useful information that you can easily print off in a reasonable small number of pages. Each guide is a concentrated, no-fluff resource — around 4-5 pages packed with professional insight, legal strategy, and emotional survival tactics. They are designed to cover the real pain points people face in courtrooms and custody fights: defending yourself against false accusations, exposing manipulation without looking petty, protecting your financial future, and keeping your relationship with your children strong in the middle of conflict.
For less than the cost of a single attorney consultation, you get targeted strategies built from over 22+ years of real-world family law experience. These aren’t generic blog articles or cookie-cutter templates. Every guide is designed to give you immediate, actionable steps — the same strategies I teach my own clients — adapted for real people dealing with real, high-stakes problems.
If you're serious about defending your rights, protecting your children, and staying one step ahead of a manipulative ex, these guides aren't just helpful — they're essential. They will save you time, reduce your stress, and help you make smarter moves when everything is on the line.
Winning in court isn’t just about having evidence. It’s about understanding the psychology, the patterns, and the legal strategies that judges actually respond to. These guides put that power in your hands. If you’re ready to stop reacting and start taking control, you’re exactly where you need to be!
For more information on Michael Capleone’s legal services or to schedule a consultation. An experienced Hoover, Alabama family law attorney that guides clients through legal strategy, emotional challenges, relationship problems, legal matters and more to achieve the best positive outcomes. Note: Licensed in the State of Alabama only.
This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this post does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every case is unique—please consult with a qualified family law attorney licensed in your jurisdiction to discuss your specific situation. Also, this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, psychological, or professional advice. It does not create an attorney-client relationship or any other professional-client relationship. The information provided is not a substitute for consultation with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, tax professional, psychologist, or other expert regarding your specific situation.
