You Didn’t Sabotage the Relationship—They Did by Refusing Accountability
- Michael Capleone, Sr.
- 29 minutes ago
- 5 min read
When you feel guilty for walking away, pause and ask yourself: Who was really doing the work in the relationship? Were you always the one apologizing, compromising, fixing, and forgiving? If so, then you didn’t sabotage anything. The other person did—by refusing accountability and mutual effort.
The Cycle of Manipulation: How Narcissists Use Hoovering, Breadcrumbing, and Love Bombing to Keep Control
Narcissists rarely let go easily. Even after you walk away, their tactics often continue—but in more calculated forms. Understanding manipulation techniques like hoovering, breadcrumbing, love bombing, and deceit is critical to protecting your emotional and legal stability.
Hoovering occurs when the narcissist tries to “suck you back in” after a breakup or separation. It can look like heartfelt apologies, promises to change, or sudden vulnerability. The goal? To make you doubt your decision and re-engage in the cycle.
Breadcrumbing is more subtle. Instead of full re-engagement, they offer small doses of attention—sporadic texts, vague compliments, or empty gestures. These emotional crumbs are meant to keep you hooked, waiting, and emotionally confused.
Love bombing often happens early in the relationship—or again during hoovering. The narcissist floods you with affection, gifts, and flattery to overwhelm your boundaries and make you feel dependent. This is not love. It’s a setup for control.
Lying is another constant. Narcissists lie to shift blame, avoid accountability, and rewrite history. They lie to others about you—and to you about themselves. Over time, this creates a warped reality where you question your own memory and judgment. That’s called gaslighting, and it’s intentional. These tactics don’t end just because the relationship ends. In family law, they can show up during custody battles, co-parenting arrangements, or attempts at alienation. You may even see them weaponize your child’s emotions, twist court narratives, or manipulate therapists. Recognizing these patterns helps you hold your ground—both emotionally and legally. You didn’t imagine it. You weren’t too sensitive. You saw the truth—and you left. And that’s the strongest thing you could have done.
In healthy relationships, both parties grow, repair, and own their part. In toxic ones, one person gives and the other takes. Narcissists especially are skilled at avoiding responsibility. When something goes wrong, they deflect, deny, and project. You become the scapegoat for every issue, and over time, you begin to believe it. This psychological sabotage is subtle but corrosive. The narcissist may twist events, rewrite history, or play the victim when confronted. So when you finally step away, they act shocked or betrayed—not because you hurt them, but because they lost control. You were not wrong to leave. You were wronged for too long. The guilt you feel is real, but it is not evidence that you did something bad. It’s residue from years of manipulation. Accountability is the glue of all lasting relationships. Without it, the structure collapses. And no, you didn’t sabotage the foundation. You just refused to hold up a roof that was caving in on you.
Honor your decision. Let go of the guilt. You gave more than enough!
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—Written by Michael L. Capleone, Esq. | Alabama Family Law Attorney | All rights reserved.
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About Michael Capleone, Attorney at Law
Michael Capleone is a seasoned family law attorney based in Hoover, Alabama, with over 22+ years of experience helping clients navigate complex legal challenges, including divorce, child custody, parental rights, grandparent’s rights, military divorces, petition for protection from abuse, CPS and DHR matters, father’s rights, mother’s rights, relationship advice, pets/ animal custody when a relationship or marriage ends, and general family law matters, co-parenting, dealing with a narcissist, emotional recovery, and much more! As a licensed practicing attorney since 2003, is a dedicated advocate for his clients, Michael understands the emotional and legal complexities of family law cases and works tirelessly to secure favorable outcomes in his law practice.
Whether you’re dealing with high-conflict custody battles, seeking modifications to child support or visitation, or facing difficult divorce proceedings, having problems with a toxic ex, trying to co-parent with a narcissist. Michael Capleone provides expert legal tips and topic specific information with wisdom and clarity. He is committed to ensuring that his clients’ rights are protected, and their voices are heard in the courtroom. These blogs and guides that he is creating are meant to provide simple, straightforward, helpful, and powerful practical information for people all across the United States of America and beyond.
These guides are written in a brief and concise way to get you powerful and useful information that you can easily print off in a reasonable small number of pages. Each guide is a concentrated, no-fluff resource — around 4-5 pages packed with professional insight, legal strategy, and emotional survival tactics. They are designed to cover the real pain points people face in courtrooms and custody fights: defending yourself against false accusations, exposing manipulation without looking petty, protecting your financial future, and keeping your relationship with your children strong in the middle of conflict.
For less than the cost of a single attorney consultation, you get targeted strategies built from over 22+ years of real-world family law experience. These aren’t generic blog articles or cookie-cutter templates. Every guide is designed to give you immediate, actionable steps — the same strategies I teach my own clients — adapted for real people dealing with real, high-stakes problems.
If you're serious about defending your rights, protecting your children, and staying one step ahead of a manipulative ex, these guides aren't just helpful — they're essential. They will save you time, reduce your stress, and help you make smarter moves when everything is on the line.
Winning in court isn’t just about having evidence. It’s about understanding the psychology, the patterns, and the legal strategies that judges actually respond to. These guides put that power in your hands. If you’re ready to stop reacting and start taking control, you’re exactly where you need to be!
For more information on Michael Capleone’s legal services or to schedule a consultation. An experienced Hoover, Alabama family law attorney that guides clients through legal strategy, emotional challenges, relationship problems, legal matters and more to achieve the best positive outcomes. Note: Licensed in the State of Alabama only.
This blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this post does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every case is unique—please consult with a qualified family law attorney licensed in your jurisdiction to discuss your specific situation. Also, this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, psychological, or professional advice. It does not create an attorney-client relationship or any other professional-client relationship. The information provided is not a substitute for consultation with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, tax professional, psychologist, or other expert regarding your specific situation.
