What Not to Say to the Guardian ad Litem
- Michael Capleone, Sr.
- Nov 4
- 7 min read
When a guardian ad litem (GAL) is appointed in your custody or divorce case, it often means the court wants an independent, child-focused professional to evaluate the situation. What you say—and how you say it—can have a lasting impact on the outcome. The GAL is not your enemy, but they aren’t your advocate either. Their duty is to the best interests of your child, not to either parent. Clients frequently ask me, “What should I not say to the guardian ad litem?”
After twenty-two years representing Alabama families, I’ve seen words that help a case—and words that quietly damage it. Let’s walk through what you should avoid saying, and why.
1. Never Speak Poorly About the Other Parent
The fastest way to lose credibility with a GAL is to attack the other parent. Even if you’re right about some serious issues, constant criticism looks like bitterness or an attempt to manipulate. The GAL listens carefully for signs that one parent might alienate the children from the other. Instead of launching accusations, focus on the child’s experience. Replace “My ex is a liar” with “I’m concerned about how our disagreements affect our son’s anxiety.” That simple shift signals maturity and concern for your child’s emotional health—exactly what a GAL needs to see.
2. Don’t Pretend Everything Is Perfect
Some parents believe that if they show zero flaws, they’ll appear more stable. But GALs are trained to recognize rehearsed stories. When you insist that everything is fine, you may come across as defensive or untruthful.
Honesty builds credibility. Admit areas where you’ve struggled and explain what you’re doing to improve. For example:
“We’ve had communication problems in the past, but I’m now using a parenting-app to reduce conflict.” That kind of statement shows self-awareness and problem-solving—two qualities a GAL values.
3. Avoid Legal Arguments or Trying to “Educate” the GAL
The GAL is not a judge, and trying to win them over with legal theories rarely helps. Statements like, “My lawyer says the court will side with me,” or “According to Alabama Code Section…” can come across as condescending. You’re not expected to teach the GAL the law. You’re expected to show how your home life serves your child’s best interests. Keep the focus there. The best impression you can make is being calm, child-focused, and cooperative.
4. Don’t Exaggerate or Guess
If you don’t know an answer, say so. Guessing or inflating facts undermines your credibility. GALs double-check statements with teachers, counselors, police reports, and medical records. Inconsistent information creates red flags that linger throughout a case. Honesty—even when uncomfortable—is always safer. Saying “I don’t know” or “I’ll need to check those records” is far better than making an inaccurate statement that later unravels.
5. Never Coach Your Child on What to Say
This is one of the most damaging mistakes a parent can make. Telling your child what to say—or even hinting at what you hope they’ll tell the GAL—can destroy your credibility. GALs recognize coached responses quickly. Let your child know that an adult will talk to them about their life and feelings, but avoid rehearsing answers. Emphasize that they can speak freely and honestly. The GAL is trained to spot authenticity in children’s words and body language.
6. Don’t Use the GAL as a Messenger
Avoid saying things like, “Can you tell the judge I’m ready for full custody?” or “Please tell my ex to stop texting me.” The GAL is not a courier or a referee between parents. Treating them as one signals that you misunderstand their role and may be trying to manipulate the process.
Instead, if there’s a problem that affects your child, mention it factually:
“I’ve noticed frequent schedule changes that make it hard for our daughter to keep her routine.”
Let the GAL draw their own conclusions.
7. Avoid Over-Communicating or Flooding the GAL with Evidence
Parents often want to send every text, email, or photo as proof of their parenting. Too much information can overwhelm or irritate the GAL, making it harder for them to find what truly matters. Provide concise, relevant materials through your attorney. Remember: professionalism includes restraint.
A well-organized packet of meaningful documentation is far more persuasive than a flood of clutter.
8. Don’t Expect the GAL to Be Your Therapist
It’s tempting to unload emotional pain when someone listens. But GAL meetings aren’t therapy sessions. Over-sharing personal feelings about your ex or unrelated trauma shifts attention away from your child’s needs. Keep the conversation centered on your child’s routine, school, health, and emotional wellbeing. Save personal counseling for a private therapist—doing so actually makes you look responsible and proactive.
9. Never Lie, Even About Small Things
The truth always surfaces in family court. A small, “harmless” lie—like denying a prior argument that’s recorded in a text—can make the GAL question everything else you’ve said. Once credibility is damaged, it’s nearly impossible to restore.
Integrity carries far more weight than perfection. Be candid about your challenges, and the GAL will likely respect your honesty.
10. Don’t Forget That Every Interaction Counts
Emails, calls, and casual conversations are all part of your GAL’s overall impression. Be polite, punctual, and respectful. Respond to requests quickly. Small acts of professionalism make a significant difference.
Remember: The GAL is assessing how well you co-parent, communicate, and support your child. Every message, meeting, and tone of voice contributes to that picture.
The Bottom Line
What you don’t say can be just as important as what you do. Guardian ad litems respect parents who are transparent, self-aware, and genuinely focused on their children’s best interests. If you stay calm, tell the truth, and resist the urge to fight old battles, you’ll help the GAL see you as a stable, cooperative parent. If you’re facing a custody case or GAL investigation, you don’t have to navigate it alone. I’ve written detailed, practical Family Law Guides that explain how to prepare for interviews, home visits, and more—step by step. Each guide is available for immediate download.
Before you speak to the GAL again, take the time to prepare the right way. A few thoughtful words can change the direction of your case—and protect your child’s future.
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—Written by Michael L. Capleone, Esq. | Alabama Family Law Attorney | All rights reserved.
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About Michael Capleone, Attorney at Law
Michael Capleone is a seasoned family law attorney based in Hoover, Alabama, with over 22+ years of experience helping clients navigate complex legal challenges, including divorce, child custody, parental rights, grandparent’s rights, military divorces, petition for protection from abuse, CPS and DHR matters, father’s rights, mother’s rights, relationship advice, pets/ animal custody when a relationship or marriage ends, and general family law matters, co-parenting, dealing with a narcissist, emotional recovery, and much more! As a licensed practicing attorney since 2003, is a dedicated advocate for his clients, Michael understands the emotional and legal complexities of family law cases and works tirelessly to secure favorable outcomes in his law practice.
Whether you’re dealing with high-conflict custody battles, seeking modifications to child support or visitation, or facing difficult divorce proceedings, having problems with a toxic ex, trying to co-parent with a narcissist. Michael Capleone provides expert legal tips and topic specific information with wisdom and clarity. He is committed to ensuring that his clients’ rights are protected, and their voices are heard in the courtroom. These blogs and guides that he is creating are meant to provide simple, straightforward, helpful, and powerful practical information for people all across the United States of America and beyond.
These guides are written in a brief and concise way to get you powerful and useful information that you can easily print off in a reasonable small number of pages. Each guide is a concentrated, no-fluff resource — around 4-5 pages packed with professional insight, legal strategy, and emotional survival tactics. They are designed to cover the real pain points people face in courtrooms and custody fights: defending yourself against false accusations, exposing manipulation without looking petty, protecting your financial future, and keeping your relationship with your children strong in the middle of conflict.
For less than the cost of a single attorney consultation, you get targeted strategies built from over 22+ years of real-world family law experience. These aren’t generic blog articles or cookie-cutter templates. Every guide is designed to give you immediate, actionable steps — the same strategies I teach my own clients — adapted for real people dealing with real, high-stakes problems.
If you're serious about defending your rights, protecting your children, and staying one step ahead of a manipulative ex, these guides aren't just helpful — they're essential. They will save you time, reduce your stress, and help you make smarter moves when everything is on the line.
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This blog is for informational/ educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Reading this post does not create an attorney-client relationship. Every case is unique—please consult with a qualified family law attorney licensed in your jurisdiction to discuss your specific situation. Also, this blog is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, psychological, or professional advice. It does not create an attorney-client relationship or any other professional-client relationship. The information provided is not a substitute for consultation with a qualified attorney, financial advisor, tax professional, psychologist, or other expert regarding your specific situation.
